Kids and relationships

One of the things I looked at in relation to getting divorced was a website that discussed the question "Do I stay, or do I go?" I don't remember which one it was. One of the posts that made the most sense to me was the statement "Better happy and divorced than miserable and married." Short, succinct, to the point, direct. It made sense. Whether we think about it or not, children model their relationships with the opposite sex based on what they see thier parents do. This is why spousal abuse is so hard to break the cycle on. "But this is how mommy and daddy got along...." That's a little extreme in my case. There was no abuse. We didn't beat on each other. We didn't call each other names or verbally abuse each other. But, I still learned my definition of a loving realtionship from watching my parents, and so did she from watching hers. Two very different relationships. I'll never claim my parents had the best of relationships. I was able to learn what I didn't like about the way my dad treated my mom and actively decide that I wasn't going to be like that. I was able to take the best of what they had and say "I want that." That wasn't what I had. I want my child to see what I define as a loving, happy relationship and be able to find it for herself. I am also comming to understand that I need to work at teaching her, talking to her about what that means. I hope to do a better job in modeling and also teaching my child what is good and what isn't in my future relationship(s). I guess the point to what I am saying is; children learn from watching their parents. They model their own actions and attitudes from what they see in the home. I didn't like what I was showing my child to be a healthy relationship and marriage. It wasn't healthy and neither of us was happy. My child deserves better than that. I hope to find someone I can do a better job with, and I hope to be able to work at teaching her what makes a good relationship. Tom